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A Outra Bíblia

Gonçalo Ferreira

Primeiro volume da aclamada série “Criadores de Tudo”, esta obra é um bestseller da literatura ocidental e vai já no décimo século de edição. No princípio era o caos mas o criador disse e aconteceu a luz, depois aconteceram o dia e a noite, o firmamento, a terra (porque o mar sempre existiu), as plantas, o sol e a lua, os seres marinhos e terrestres e, finalmente o homem, tudo isto em seis dias. A criação da mulher demorou um pouco mais. Satisfeito com o seu esforço, tirou um dia de folga. Depois de dormir umas horas, o criador disse ao homem e à mulher para crescerem e se multiplicarem. Acontece que, sempre atarefado e com horários apertados por causa da expansão do universo, o criador foi construir outros mundos para longe. Fazia milhões de anos-luz por dia a construir galáxias, seres vivos, terras e mares, sóis e luas, por isso sobrava-lhe pouco tempo para tomar conta do homem e da mulher. Concedeu-lhes o livre arbítrio e eles multiplicaram-se à grande, começaram a fumar e só fizeram porcaria. De facto, multiplicaram-se tanto que povoaram tudo. Quando tirou cinco minutos para voltar à terra, o criador viu tanta gente e tanta confusão que achou por bem escolher um povo preferido. Esse povo, mesmo sendo o preferido, também pecava por tudo e por nada e, por isso, levou tareias e mais tareias durante décadas e vagueou por desertos, até chegar à terra prometida. Mesmo perante tanta estupidez junta, o criador teve paciência e enviou o Espírito Santo a casa de uma família da classe média baixa da Nazaré e nove meses depois nasceu um tipo formidável que ajudou sobremaneira três leprosos, dois coxos, sete mortos-vivos e uma prostituta. Apesar de ter morrido cheio de dores nas articulações para salvar os homens, ninguém ligou nenhuma ao tipo formidável e o mundo continuou a evoluir por maus caminhos. Um dia, o criador fartou-se de tanta treta e surgiram uns cavaleiros voadores a fazerem uma barulheira com umas trombetas e a brincarem com lança-chamas. Foi um festival pior que o do Bin Laden e ficou tudo feito em fanicos. Os bonzinhos foram para um sítio fixe, os maus lixaram-se à grande e o criador abandonou de vez a ideia do livre arbítrio. Obra-prima da literatura de intervenção divina, “A Outra Bíblia” faz-nos pensar no que seria o mundo se o criador não o tivesse feito.

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